A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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