How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
