you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
