need another drink. this is the easiest way
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
