i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
