What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
