i just wanna soil my oats bro
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
