Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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