I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
