That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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