It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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