he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
