drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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