so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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