you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
