I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we made out on top of his cat.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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