also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize