True but thats because hes a fetus.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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