dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
