In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
