i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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