Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it's like heaven, but drunker
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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