I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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