Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
