so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
