Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
