I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
