Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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