In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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