The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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