Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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