Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This baby is an asshole
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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