i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Girls should come with a carfax report
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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