people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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