oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
