Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There was a lot of him and a little penis
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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