I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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