Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
