I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
