I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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