Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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