I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
