So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
