You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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