Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize