What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
