1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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