Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
