you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
