Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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