My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
