She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
