i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
