maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize