what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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