Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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