i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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