$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
