apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
