NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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