Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
