End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
