oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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