i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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