dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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